Babeeeez

Ok, so at my ripe old age of 30, i have discovered that all my friend's biological clocks are going off like that annoying alarm clock you forget that you set and then can't find to turn off. this really is a pretty great thing. i like babies, i love my friends. hence, if you apply logical theory there, i will love my friend's babies.

what is NOT so fun is that i am slowly becoming the last single girl standing. i have been telling everyone that i was gonna be that super fun auntie that their kids loved, but they always give me the same "that perfect guy is out there for you" but really, is he? Maybe he is currently married to someone else. that's cool, i can be the second and thus "best" wife (as in second is the best? if you didn't get that reference then why are we friends?)

maybe mr. super fabulous right for me in every way is in a coma. that would explain a lot. it also makes me very sad. i hope my future husband doesn't have any  lasting medical conditions from said coma. plus that must be really hard on his family and friends. i am sad for mr right in a coma. i hope he wakes up soon, for his sake and of course for mine.
and even if he does have a medical condition, i am ok with that. i am not a snob or a bigot, i just think it would add an extra element of challenge to our new budding relationship and that is never fun.

maybe moving to the Citayy will be the answer. i will say, that seattle seems to be chockablock full of single folks. granted most of them are women, but hey, i love new friends too!

but back to the babies, yes, i know, at this point you are wondering, why didn't she title this blog "boo to being single or charity needs to stop whining." the best thing about other peoples babies are:
1. you don't have to wake up with them in the middle of the night (unless you visit my friend who made me help him with his twins so his wife could sleep. did i mention that she got up with them by herself EVERY night? men are fun)

2. you can play with them, but if they do something gross like pee or poop or barf or have icky boogies flowing freely down their face you just hand them back and say "uh oh, somebody made a mess mommy"

3. you can buy them all the overpriced baby gear that you would never really get for your own kid but that every 3 month old desperately needs! like a John Hughes "Pretty in Pink" onesie or 40 dollar yoda shoes for the kid that can't even walk yet. yes, they will grow out of these things in a matter of weeks, but hey, i am counting on my friends returning the favor! I just wanna buy Yoda booties dammit!!

4. if you babysit, your friends think you are some kind of saint/most awesome generous friend in the world

and the number one reason i love other people's kids.

5. they are like practice babies

I should probably delete this before any of my fertile or soon to be fertile friends read this.

i'm still here

so I haven't blogged for a while. probably because i have a new dog. although that is kind of a lame excuse because stories about him are pretty dag-gone funny too. Like how he fell down the stairs and slid 3 feet on his face, only to jump back up and look at me like, what now?

But really, who wants to hear more dog stories. i am getting ready to move. i hate packing and moving. i really can't say which one i hate more.  i equate it to having my toenails pulled out with pliers. then shoved back into my toes. painful and makes you go, um why are you doing that? i have many great reasons I am sure for moving to the big exciting city, but sitting here procrastinating while i drink a glass of wine, it's hard to think of any :)

what else to tell you? work is eh, only so so, i like the people i work with and going in everyday doesn't exactly make me physically ill, but mostly, i am just bored and am not sure how i have been doing this navy thing for NINE YEARS. wow, that is way too long. i was ready to get out even before i get in, yet you do a somewhat good job, and some great fabulous boss convinces you that this is just the best thing ever and someday i could end up as captain of a ship and wouldn't that just be the most like, fabulous thing ever?

um, no. not for me. i really want to go start my real life soon, so i need to stop putting it off with this navy thing.

Alone time

I was sitting at home alone today and realized something. I used to be one of those people that hated being alone, but now I revel in it. I love having my time to myself to do whatever strikes my fancy, even if it's drinking too much wine and watching all the crappy TV shows that I am completely addicted to. I have noticed though, that when I am completely alone, all sense of good behavior goes completely out the window.  My mother will be horrified by this.  I walk around naked after throwing my clothes from the day in the washer. I use my finger to really get deep and dig out those painful stalagmite boogers (you may be grossed out by that, but you KNOW you do it too). I regularly sneeze without covering my mouth. I pull a standard old lady move and actually lift my butt to really let out one of those good satisfying farts. Hmm, its interesting to realize that I have only named rather gross things. Makes you wonder how people find a partner who wants to sit around with them listening to their farts and avoiding their sneeze juice. Or maybe you learn to cover up those completely comfortable parts of yourself. I certainly hope not though. :) I like my complete lack of decorum.

Flight from H-E- double hockey sticks

So, yes, I really like kids. Especially my friends children. Someday I even hope to have children. but on my flight home today, this devil incarnate screamed on a random interval the ENTIRE flight home. Was he sick or hurting? Oh no, he was just a brat. And the best part? His mother did not attempt in any way to corral him. At first I thought it was because she was overly permissive, but as we were leaving I realized she came from a culture where a mother cannot correct her masculine child. I know it is not PC, but this is revolting to me. I want nothing to do with a way of life that requires me to sit and suffer while my monster two year old does what he wants. I babysat for a family like this when I was a teenager and actually got in trouble for disciplining their male children. I felt truly sorry for this poor woman. I mean, you think her son was horrible, you should have smelled the offensive BO coming off of her husband.

Some people definitely put up with things that make me appreciate my life even more.

Pameela comes to visit!

My friend Pameela came to visit this weekend. We had a blast hanging out and drinking a beaucoup amount of vino. The best thing about hanging out with her is that we have the same sense of humor and make the same idiotic jokes. A good example of this is that fact that we call each other Pameela. We took a road trip once and for whatever reason, our road haze led us to think that quoting Borat was hilarious. Did I mention that Pameela has never seen it? Now we talk to each other in a terrible Russian accent and call each other Pameela. This has been going on for a year and we still think it's freaking hilarious. 

We just finished watching the movie Black Swan. I am still trying to figure out what the f was going on? Was she schizophrenic? Or hallucinating? I thought for a while that the whole thing was a dream. All I know is that it was just plain bizarre. We watched it and the whole time we kept looking at each other with a "what the hell is going on" look. And it was one of those movies that ends, abruptly, and you still are totally clueless. I agree that Natalie Portman should've gotten an Oscar, because she was a believable crazy cooke. 

OCD

I always knew I was a tad Obsessive Compulsive. For example, I can't tolerate things being out of place. I will sit in a room and notice something (like a crooked pillow) and I will spend 20 minutes trying to convince myself to get over it. Then I will of course get up and fix it. because there is really no point in making myself more nuts than I already tend to be. Give me a little credit, I have finally become comfortable leaving in the morning with my bed unmade. Usually that is because I sleep until the last minute possible, but still. :)

So I am happy to report that I am not the most OCD person I know. My roommate is currently measuring and graphing out the dimensions of our apartment and making little exact replica cutouts of all our furniture so we can fit everything in this place just so. It actually makes sense and I am sorry that I didn't think of it!

Obsessed with work?

I often wonder if I have anything else to talk about besides my job. I have family visiting right now and I feel bad for my roommate and my family. With my roommate all we talk about is our jobs, and with my family all we talk about is our family. So of course my roommate now knows every single thing about each and every member of my family. Did I mention she just moved in yesterday and we've only know each other for 6 months? But she is a trooper and takes it in stride. So yes, she and I talk about work a lot, but in my defense, I work a lot and my job is funny/crazy. I happen to love my job right now. I am happy to say that I like going to work. Even though pretty much every day I find out something new and generally have no idea what I am doing. That's ok, they have told me I am super competent and know what I am talking about. Which  means of course, that I am really good at faking it :) And I fit right in with the people I work with. Yesterday we were waiting for a drill to finish and we start talking about farting. I told them that if I was in my office alone, not to come in right away because there might be a toxic gas spill.